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by: Allie Ochs
Let’s face it retirement is a time of great transition
for spouses. Ample free time and drastic lifestyle changes
can be a burden or a blessing for your marriage. Regardless
of whether one or both spouses retire, the secret to a smooth
transition is planning before you retire. For example, if
one or both of you have been task-driven individuals with
their own careers, a 7/24 marriage may not be to your liking.
Retiring couples who have lived independent and relatively
separate lives may become frustrated and bored being joined
at the hip. Others may rejoice in spending more time with
each other. The most important step to take prior to retiring
is:
1. PLAN AHEAD. Know your personality and design your golden
years accordingly. If you are a busy bee needing outside stimulation,
plan ahead how you will keep yourself occupied. Get a part-time
job, volunteer, write a book, get a pup, complete home renovations,
play golf, join an organization or take up a hobby. Know what
you will do with your excess time before you get on each other’s
nerves.
While retirement is a natural process of live, most retirees
experience the same effects as with the loss of a job. No
longer needed at work coupled with reduced social contacts
many retirees question their identities. Feelings of worthlessness
or even depression are common and can harm the quality of
your relationship. You owe it to yourself and your spouse
to:
2. LIVE WITH A PURPOSE. Shift the focus from yourself to
others. Contribute your knowledge and life experience to organizations.
Get involved with youth groups helping young people flourish.
Socializing with your children and grandchildren will keep
you young and alert. Read, cruise the Internet, exercise,
learn a new language or skill. Do anything that keeps your
brain working and your heart filled with passion.
If only one spouse is retiring, conflict over who does what
and how time will be spent, may arise. The at-home spouse
may be expected to do more chores including those they never
did before. Arguments over time allotted for chores or play
may develop. To avoid conflict:
3. EXERCISE MUTUAL RESPECT. As the still-working spouse,
don’t penalize your retired partner for having reached
the golden years. Respect that your spouse deserves the freedom,
time, enjoyment, respect and dignity of retirement. While
he or she can be expected to pitch-in more, respect that your
spouse needs the freedom to find his or her purposeful life
as a retiree. Again, talk about and plan ahead how time will
be spent prior to retirement, it will save you many arguments.
Staying busy has proven to be beneficial for all retirees.
How to keep busy may vary from one person to the next. Because
of diverse expectations it is often difficult to find the
right blend of shared hobbies and time alone. Some couples
are thrilled to do everything together, while others need
and enjoy some time on their own. Allow each other to:
4. BE HAPPY. Retirement should be a happy time. It is about
doing the things you couldn’t before. This could be
anything from sleeping in to travelling to unknown places.
Anything from learning about astrology to helping provide
clean water in an undeveloped country. Whenever possible you
should support your spouse to live a happy retirement in alignment
with his or her personality. Always remember, your partner
is just as important as you are.
Many retirees use this time to strengthen their marriage.
Previous work distractions and time commitments often lead
to stale marriages. Now is the time to create intimacy and
secure marital bliss in your sunset years. Get busy and:
5. KEEP THE LOVE GOING. Love is not something that you have,
it is something that you do. Now that you have more time,
be romantic. Plan for romantic dinners, movies, vacations
or picnics. Compliment each other, cherish each other and
surprise each other with romantic treats. Take time to talk
to each other, communicate your feelings, your fears and your
passions. Make love whenever possible, it is a sure way to
create intimacy. Remember love has no expiry date and a loving
relationship is your ticket to glorious golden years.
© 2005 Allie Ochs
About The Author
Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of:
Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention
at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV,
Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters.
Visit her website www.fit2love.com and take the Fit 2 Love
test.
allie@fit2love.com
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