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by: John P. Strelecky
We may not expect it, especially considering many of us work
towards it for most of our adult life, but retirement can
be a challenging and sometimes frustrating experience. For
many of us it is the first time in a long time we have had
both the financial resources and time freedom to do what we
really want. The challenge is…we often don’t really
know what that is.
We typically know what we don’t want, which is to keep
working. So with that as our driving force we take the necessary
steps to get to the end of our employment years. However,
knowing what we don’t want, and knowing what we do want,
is not the same thing. That difference can lead to frustration,
depression, and a sense of confusion as we transition into
retirement.
Since our time is such a precious commodity, here are three
steps which can help us ease into our new found freedom -
steps that can help us enjoy our retirement with the same
degree of enthusiasm as we enjoyed thinking about being retired.
Step #1. Avoid the Vacuum.
Nature has a set of rules that govern our environment. For
example, water will always flow to the lowest point, and gasses
expand to fill all available space. One of the other rules
is that nature abhors a vacuum. (Not the clean the carpet
kind, most of us husbands abhor that.) Nature doesn’t
like it when suddenly something big is taken away and there
is nothing to fill that space. Imagine filling your bathtub
with water and trying to remove only the water on the left
side. It doesn’t work does it? Since we are part of
nature, it’s not surprising that the same principles
apply to us.
There is a big difference between saying “I’m
going to retire and quit working,” and “I’m
going to retire and start relaxing, or start swimming, or
start traveling…” In the first example a vacuum
is created. We are taking something big away - something that
for most of us has been occupying 65-70% of our awake life
five days per week. And we’re not replacing it with
anything else. And just like in the bathtub example, this
doesn’t’ work. It’s the reason so many smokers
have trouble quitting and dieters can’t keep the pounds
off. They are trying to not be something, or not do something
and since they aren’t identifying what they will be
or will do instead, they create a vacuum.
In terms of human behavior, vacuums create confusion, which
then often leads to depression. When we create vacuums in
our lives, such as someone trying to quit smoking or lose
weight, and we start to experience the unpleasantness of confusion
and depression, we do our best to get rid of those emotions.
More often than not, we re-fill that empty space with the
easiest and closest thing at hand -- the exact thing that
was filling it before.
This same principle applies to retirement. When we say we
are going to quit working and we create that vacuum, the emotions
of confusion and depression can follow. Only in most cases,
we can’t go back and re-fill that space with what we
were doing before. And, unlike smoking and eating which for
many people provide short term immediate gratification and
pleasure, we really don’t want to refill that space
with what we were doing before. We don’t want to go
back to work. This inability or lack of interest in refilling
the space with what was there before can leave us feeling
even more lost, confused, and depressed.
There is a simple solution to the vacuum problem. Don’t
“retire and quit working”. Instead, retire with
the intention and knowledge that you are going to fill your
previous “work time”, with whatever it is that
you really want to do. If you are struggling to figure out
what that is for you, keep reading. You’ll get a great
tip in step #3.
Step #2. Realize these transition emotions are normal.
While eliminating the vacuum will certainly help you ease
into retirement, change of any kind brings out certain emotions
in people. In his excellent book called Transitions, William
Bridges talks about how when people encounter changes, ranging
from small to significant, they often go through a very predictable
set of emotions. As you enter retirement, just knowing and
understanding that this may occur and the emotions associated
with it, can help ease you through the process.
It’s one thing to get lost and not know which way to
turn. It’s a very different feeling to be lost but have
a good guide map in front of you that shows how you can get
from where you are to where you want to go.
Step #3. Find your Big Five for Life.
For many people, their work career began as a means to an
end. It provided the financial means to purchase the things
they needed and do the things they really loved to do. Unfortunately,
our jobs can sometimes become so consuming that gradually
over time we lose touch with those things we love to do. We
forget about our non-work ambitions and passions. If you find
yourself in this position, now is your chance to re-connect
to what you truly love and want out of life.
Take some time and write down the five things you want to
do, see, or experience in your retirement years. The five
things that if you did, saw, or experience them, that at the
end of your life, you could look back over your retirement
and say that it was a success as you defined success. They
may be things with short term durations, like visiting the
Eiffel Tower. Or they could be things that span a longer time
period like having a truly loving relationship with your spouse,
or kids, or grandkids. This is about you defining retirement
success for yourself.
Be careful to avoid putting limitations on yourself. A man
once told me that he had always wanted to be like Ted Williams
and Clark Gable when he was growing up. But now he felt he
was too old for that. The truth is that we are never too old.
He could go to a fantasy baseball camp and be like Ted Williams,
or join a theatre group and be like Clark Gable. Better to
be someone who was like Clark Gable for a day, than someone
who wished they were like Clark Gable for a lifetime.
If you are struggling to figure out your Big Five for Life,
you may be limiting your thinking because of how you view
yourself right now, or the career you had while you were working.
Here’s a little trick to help you get by that. Think
about and write down who you wanted to be before you became
who you are now. Maybe you have to think back to before you
took your first job, or even as far back as your childhood.
That’s ok. What got you excited back then? What did
you want to do, see, or experience then?
You may find that what you uncover is really who you are.
The same things you wanted to do, see, and experience then,
you still want to do, see, and experience. You may have just
forgotten about them. The great news is that you are still
poised to do them. A former business owner can still be a
Peace Corp. volunteer, a race car driver, or a professional
sand castle builder. A trauma nurse can still be an author,
a surfer, or a professor.
Use your Big Five for Life to avoid the vacuum from step
number one. Now you aren’t retiring and quitting working,
you are retiring and starting your Big Five for Life.
Enjoy your retirement. You earned it, and you deserve it.
About The Author
John P. Strelecky is the international best selling author
of “The Why Cafe”- http://www.johnstrelecky.com,
and a highly sought after inspirational speaker on; “Why
are you here – and what do you want to do about it?”
He has shared the best seller list with among others, Mitch
Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie/The Five People You Meet in Heaven),
Malcolm Gladwell (Blink/The Tipping Point), Thomas Friedman
(The World is Flat), and Stephen J. Dubner (Freakonomics).
Through John’s books, CDs, articles, and appearances
on television and radio, he has positively impacted the lives
of millions of people. John can be reached through his website
at http://www.johnstrelecky.com, or by calling 407-342-4181.
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